Of course we tested and the build up was as horrendous, if not more so than the two previous times

We did eventually test……… You’re meant to use the first mornings urine but I felt the cycle needed to be broken, so we both agreed that we would test when I got home from my late shift at 10pm on Tuesday April 28th. Normally I go into the bathroom first thing, pee into a cup, test with a couple of brands, then go and wake Matt up but this time he wanted me away from the test sticks and he would do the testing. Aaaaaaargh, so ridiculously tense, this is the bit I hate, I can deal with the fallout of a negative test but the actual testing itself is vomit inducing. I left work and cried all the way home with the events ahead playing over and over in my mind. I walked through the door and could see how nervous poor Matt was too. Only one thing for it….. A large glass of red wine! Well I didn’t need the loo when I got home so I need some liquid in me fast and to be honest this time the rule book had gone out the window. I HAD enjoyed a few glasses of vino over the last two weeks (a big no no), well my theory is that this body is used to alcohol and caffeine as it’s only source of liquid, so when those two things were cut out on my previous two week waits, my body probably went into shock and quite frankly meltdown, so this time I thought the odd glass here and there would probably do the embryos a power of good….. My theory and I’m bloody well sticking to it!

Then another glass!

We’d laughed ALOT this time, although the second half of the TWW had been miserable, we had giggled so much since the transfer and they do say that laughter increases your chances of the the embryo sticking by 30%. This has been a long, hard, testing progress but whatever the outcome we have really had some hilarious moments and I wouldn’t change some of it for the world. I thought after 10 years together we knew each other inside out but my goodness this experience has changed us as a couple, more than I thought possible.

I saw Matt glance over and I asked if the control line had appeared “no both sides are blank” “then the test isn’t working” I said

Anyway back to the job in hand. Matt is a methodical man by nature, so whereas I usually stick the test in the urine and guess when the three minutes is up, Matt set his stop watch to the exact time needed. I grabbed a Jonhnie Walker glass from the cupboard (yup, any visitors who come over and request a whiskey at our house will get more than they bargained for), peed into the vessel and left it on the side of the bath for Matt to do his thing, I in the meantime stood the other end, taking my makeup off with my heart beating out of my chest. You have to have the control line appear in the first few seconds to show that the test is working then after three minutes the other side either stays blank or the pregnancy line appears.

We stood in the bathroom holding each other so very tightly and told each other we would be fine, we would get through this and eventually once the dust had settled and we’d found a way to finance it, we would have the strength to do IVF once again.